MARCH 27 2008.
EASILY CRACKED
I didn't say yes.. but I didn't say no. More like fine! or okay!. Anything to make them leave me alone really. We'll see what the consequences of it all end up beeing. It can't get that bad, can it? Nothing's final 'til monday night though. I can end up beeing rejected. (And a small part of me hopes for just that). But it will be a damn learningful experience, no doubt about that!

Dansi's feeling a bit lonely these days I think. She's running around my feet whenever I'm home and moving, and if I'm not moving she's most likely on me wherever she can find room for it. It's adorable :) She seems to become more and more her old self now, wich makes me feel a lot more at ease! I would hate it if she couldn't look at this house as her home. She's just as welcome here as Lassen is - and Lassen is just as welcome as she is! We love both our wonderful kitties! <3

This has been a long ass day and I'm exhausted. Work, followed by a meeting, followed by dinner with work and then a trip to a local pub. I feel a bit guilty for leaving much earlier then everyone else, but if I didn't, I probably wouldn't get out of bed tomorrow morning. And tomorrow's gonna be one busy, busy day - I need the energy! And when I come back from work, Tony's back again :)

Btw: I was elected "next in command" in the board of our trade union at work, and a member of our negotiation-comitee. But that's fun! I'd love to work more with issues that concerns my actual job, instead of working for everyone in general.

MARCH 25 2008.
IT'S NOT MY TERRITORY
My head is still buzzing with all kinds of ideas on how to redecorate this house to become more.. me.. it drives me a bit nuts to be in "Tony-territory" - his house, his style, his stuff. Right now for instance, I really want to turn some of my favorite pictures into canvas-pictures in black and white. The problem is that there's no room for them. My brain should have an off-button ;p

Speaking of pictures: I've been thinking of a way to say "thank you" to my dad for our trip to Cuba, and I'm now strongly considering making a small photoalbum for him with pictures of us. Would that be a sweet thing to do? Would it make him happy? Would it make him see how much I really appriciated him taking us with him? Worth a shot anyways :)

I need to get my finances straightened out. A little bit here and a little bit there has gotten me in a lot of trouble! Okay, that's an overstatement, but I really need to get in control and pay off my credit card and such.

The head of the election-comitee for the trade union called today and I said NO. Then another member of the election-comitee (that just happens to be one of my co-workers) sat me down and started to talk about it. Now I'm unsure again. It bugs me a bit that they can't leave it alone and accept the fact that I don't feel it's right - and stop tempting me with all the right arguments. I still think no is the right answer for me right now.. but they're gonna keep pushing 'til I crack I think. Come monday night, the election will be over with.. I just need to be strong for a little bit more!

MARCH 24 2008.
ALL THE DREAMING
Tony's started to dream about a holidy at Pegasos World in Turkey. From the looks of it - I wouldn't mind it at all! All his dreaming has gotten me rather travel-crazy again though. There's so many places around the world I'd love to visit, like Prague, Rome, Paris, London (again) and so many many other! What I wouldn't give to have lots and lots of money and be able to travel whereever the hell I felt like ;p

We've got better things to spend money on though - like the house. I have to admit that I feel a bit guilty, 'cause I have no right having any opinion on this house. It's not mine, it's Tony's. It's his house, his money, his decisions. I should just keep my mouth shut - I just can't! It's easy to spend money that's not yours, right? ;p I have so many ideas - as usual - and I'm actually getting unpatient. Allthough I shouldn't. It's none of my business, so someone please help me shut my frikkin' mouth ;p

Easter's almost over, so come tomorrow it's back to business. It sucks ;) I could really use another week or two, but that's not how it is to be an adult, is it? IT SUCKS! ;D I really should be in bed right now, but for the first time in a long time I'm just not tired. Guess I'll finish watching Legally Blonde 2 on TV and then hit the sack. Without my hubby :( He left for work a few hours ago, but he'll be back again tomorrow, so I won't complain to much ;p

MARCH 23 2008.
I FRIKKIN' DID IT!
My computer seems to be working fine again. I don't know what went wrong and I don't know why it's fine now - but I'm thankful it is! I am however a bit worried that it's just a matter of time before everything fucks up again.. and that it won't get fine again by itself that time.. but let's cross our fingers and hope that won't happen :)

I finally turned in my notice at the pub and I only have two more weekends left. Allthough my boss didn't say he'd do anything to keep me there, he did say he wasn't sure if he'd accept it (not that he has a choice). I'm glad he didn't make any big fuzz about it, 'cause I know myself well enough to know that he'd easily would talk me into staying.

One of the reasons that made me quit, was the fact that I don't think it's all that fun anymore. When I started as a bartender, the pub was crowded. You worked your ass off from start to finish and it was fun as hell! Now it's nothing near to what it used to be, and the nights gets so long 'cause I'm bored. There's not enough customers to keep me going. Few customers also makes you have to stand around and talk to the wierdos with no friends. I however - like always - am convinced that I know what needs to be done to make the place great again. Not just the pub, but the entire place. It needs to offer something you can't find in the rest of the city, and I think part of the key is a variety of places to be - and this place has the oppertunity for that. You have a pure rock-pub, a big disco (without trance/dance/house-music) and a fancy coctail-bar that offers that little something extra. Close the place down for a few months, give it a complete makeover and open with a solid concept so there's no doubt what you'll find. Go for ladies nights, theme-nights, shooter-girls, dancers - whatever! I'm sure it'll work!

I've been offered the opertunity of a lifetime - to become a leader of my trade union in our county. There's not many my age who has had this offer - especially not girls - and I would be stupid to turn it down. It would be one hell of a learning-experience, and I would make contact with lots and lots of people. I do however feel that you need to have lots of drive and passion for it, and that you should go at it with an attitude to make positive changes. That's not me right now. I'd do what's expected of me, but I don't think I would do much else. I don't have the energy anymore, and I do sence a small conflict of intrest with my job. I just don't know. I want to, and I'd regret it if I turned it down, but I don't want to and I'd regret it if I'd accept it.

Thanks to easter, I can sleep for as long as I want tomorrow! And that's my plan - crawl into bed with my hubby who (unfortunately) leaves for work again tomorrow night. Sweet dreams :)

MARCH 21 2008.
DAMN COMPUTER
If anyone who knows computers reads this, I'd love to get your feedback. The other day my computer "got stuck" and I had to unplug the powersupply to shut it off. It starts up like normal, but stops when it reaches "Detecting IDE drives". I got it started up again today for some reason, but it "gets stuck" whenever I do something "heavy" - like play a movie or move files. Does anyone know what the problem is? Is it the motherboard? Is the harddrive going byebye? Is there anything I can do? I'm afraid that if I shut it off again, it won't start. I have all my files on a seperate harddrive, so I'm not losing anything if something bad happens. It just sucks. Life without my computer sucks ;p It fries my brain and makes me clean, clean, clean ;D

MARCH 16 2008.
MUSIC-JUNKIE
Right now I have more then 7.000 songs on my computer, but I probably haven't heard more then half of it. I'm obsessed with getting complete albums, even though I don't really see the point. Take Elvis Presley as an example, who I hardly ever listen to. I have almost 700 songs by him alone - wich is more or less everything he's ever published - but what do I have it for? The occational urge to hear "Teddybear" or "Love me tender"? I should delete it.. I should delete every song that I don't even like. But I don't. I can't. I can only get more ;p

Yesterday I went through all my clothes and picked out all those cool cool clothes that I absolutely love, but can't fit into worth a damn. If I can't use it, no point having them around, right? I'm gonna drop them off at the Salvation Army on my way to work tomorrow. No more short skirts per moi!

Today I've vacumed. That's about it. I feel alot better, but I have no energy whatsoever. I'm really dreading work tomorrow - it's gonna be a long ass day! I'm gonna go to the gym after work though and talk to them about this PT thing. I kinda need to know that there's some kind of money-back system, just in case it's a complete waste of time. The efforts all on me - I have to do the job - but if the guideance I get isn't right for me, then I don't wanna be stuck paying for it.

Just a few more day 'til Tony gets home. I really miss him. Life's not the same when all contact with my boyfriend is restricted to phonecalls and textmessages!

MARCH 15 2008.
PT OR NOT PT?
Tonight Anita, Hanne and I went out to Big Horn Steakhouse for dinner. I've heard all kinds of feedback on that place, and personally I'm somewhere inbetween. The place looked great and the food was wonderful, but everything took a long time and it wouldn't hurt for the staff to be a little more service-minded. It was crowded there tonight though, so I'm betting it was exhausting for the pour souls - I'm trying to not be all to judgemental ;p

I've seriously started to consider to invest way to much money in a personal trainer. Just the word "personal trainer" sounds so extravegant it makes me twitch. But seeing how I'm obviously not able to reach my goals on my own, this might be the way to go. And what could be better to spend money on then my own health? It would be great to just meet up with the PT and say "this is my challanges, this is my goals - get me there!". And I'm not only talking about exercise - diet as well. I think (and hope) that with the "pressure" from a PT expecting results, I will work hard and follow through. If that doesn't work, I think I'll just have to accept that I am what I am and live with it. Wich really isn't an option. Tony's actually said that he's a bit worried about my health.

Beeing sick sucks. I'm bored out of my frikkin' mind! I want to do something, like clean the house, but I have no energy whatsoever. I am feeling better then yesterday though, so I'm hoping that's the antibiotics kicking in.

MARCH 14 2008.
TRAVELLING THE COUNTRY
Tromsø's gorgeous! Quiet as hell, but gorgeous :) I had assumed that a city that has an applied to host the winter-olympics would have much more life to it. I don't know. But it was gorgeous! My first time there :)

I went to Tromsø from tuesday 'til wednesday to attend that conference I had to do a lecture in. It was a gathering of netconsultants from all sides of the country, sharing experiences and getting some new information. It was by far the most rewarding conference I've ever attended and I have so many new ideas I want to put into action! It was also very good to hear that others have the same issues I have (allthough I of course wish that none of us had any issues). We also recorded a song that I sang a line solo on (he who not dears..) and we eat dinner at the top of a mountain with an absolutely gorgeous view! I wish I had some pictures to show you, but it was at night and I couldn't get any good ones.

We were 7 who was holding lectures on how we do it. I was the last one. One after one, they came with their fancy powerpoint-presentations and gave me more and more nerves! ;p I didn't have a powerpoint-presentation 'cause I can't stand them. For the most part, people just read out loud what it says on the screen. And those listening never really pay attention. So I flew "solo". I had a plan, but it went nothing near according to it! From the feedback I got from the others, none of it was bad. It was fresh and different, one guy told me. Always nice to hear :)

You gotta love that Jeff Dunham :)

I've been feeling like crap the last week and Tony - who was convinced I'd gotten a sinusinfection - talked me into going to the doctor yesterday. And, allthough I hate to admit it, he was right. I'm on antibiotics now and I really hope they kick in soon. It's not all that painful, mostly just uncomfortable and rather annoying. A constant stuffed nosed and kinda what feels like a headacke in the middle of my face. And it hurts like hell when I bend over. But some good ol' pills will make me better! Tomorrow! Or very, very soon at least! :) A lot of rest is subscribed this weekend.

MARCH 9 2008.
SLEEPLESS IN NORWAY
I've only had about seven hours of sleep this weekend. Went to bed just before 5am this morning and I woke up right before 8am. The strange thing is that I'm not even all that tired! I probably will be by the end of the night, and I probably will be tomorrow, but not right now. Go figure!

I haven't spoken to Tony since friday night and it's driving me crazy! He's at military-practice and they're out in the fields - without cellphones. What drives me even more crazy, is that I won't even be home when he gets back this afternoon. I'm going to my stepdads mothers birthday-dinner, and Tony doesn't get home in time. He'll come by if he's up for it though, and I really hope it does. Allthough I'll probably end up "smuthering" him and beeing completely inappropriate infront of my family. They're used to it though :)

My dad stops breathing several times during the night, so he's gotten this machine to help him. I tried it yesterday and I can't for the life of me imagine how anyone can breathe at all with that! It litterally forces air into your nose, but for me it felt more like it was suffocating me. But I'm glad he's gotten help for his breathing and I really hope he feels better and more refreshed soon. He took a sleeping test and it showed that he stopped breathing 76 times or something during the night. That's scary!

Dansi's afraid of the bathroom-carpet and it's frikkin' hillarious! If I give the carpet a little nudge when she looks at it, she jumps up high and start attacking it ;D Cracks me up :)

Sometimes Dansi and Lassen almost look like they're kissing, and it's adorable! A second later they start hitting eachother, but for that brief moment in time, it melts my heart :)

I need to hit the shower and start getting ready. I also need to get working

I still can't get over the guy that rubbed his naked ass against my car. Kinda fun to think about that I haven't washed it for a week and it hasn't been a very "clean car-weather" ;p

MARCH 9 2008.
A WORLD FULL OF SICKOS
What kind of a sick fuck pulls down his pants and rubs his ass against the front of your car while you're in it? If he hadn't moved by the time I got my car started, I would run his sorry ass down. I really, really wanted to jump out of the car and kick him right in the nuts. Disgusting!

Speaking of sick motherfuckers: two completely obnoxious girls came into the pub last night. They ordered two shots of Galliano, wich I made for them. They complained that it was cold, and I tried to tell them that when they sip at the top of a Galliano-shot, you'll only get the cold cream. After a lot of unbelievable comments from them, I made two new ones just to make them shut up - this time with coffee that was still on the heater. It was still cold to them and they started to bitch about how I was a horrible bartender and that I didn't know how to make that shot. Daa, like it's hard? A layer of Galliano, a layer of coffee and a layer of cream. An idiot can make it. Anyways - they left for awhile, but then one came back and asked for a piece of paper and a pen - and of course I gave it to her (allthough I still wanted to throw her sorry ass out of there). That was the last I saw of them. However, when I came to work tonight I found a note in the tip-jar: "A tip: take a bartender-class - you suck!". It keeps amazing me what stupid thing people are able to do. Not that I give a rats ass, I just find it.. well, amazing..

I just got home and I almost quit tonight. I wrote my notice and was gonna give it to him at the end of the night, but I had to leave pretty quick and didn't have a chance to give it to him. I told him it was coming though, so I'll give it to him the next time I see him. The thing now is that one of the other bartenders turned in her notice a couple of weeks ago, and he ripped it apart, saying he'd do anything to keep her. Now I'm kinda afraid that he won't do the same to me. Allthough I don't want him to. I think there's a green monster acting around in this particular scene.

It's 4am in the morning and I'm exhausted, but my head is spinning and I don't really feel like going to bed just yet. Allthough I should, 'cause I'm going to a birthday tomorrow. This weekend has been really rough and I have more emotions running around inside me then I can process and I reallyreallyreally wish Tony was home so he could be my punching-bag. I feel like I'm always a backup. I feel like my efforts are never recognized. I feel neglected. Hurt. Angry. Sad. All that kinda jazz. It sucks.

I seriously should go to sleep. I wasn't in bed 'til the clock almost reached 5am last night, but I still only slept 'til 7.30. I don't know why, I just never can seem to sleep longer then to somewhere between 7am and 9am. My body just wants to get up. And hates itself for getting up when it has ;p

MARCH 7 2008.
COULDA WOULDA SHOULDA
Whenever I'm in Oslo or another big city, I can't help to doubt the choices I've made in life. I've always wanted to live in a bigger city, either to study or just live it up large in the urban life. I just never did. I became an apprentice, I got a job and I got used to having enough money to make ends meet. I've never been able to take that step back and start school again. Is it to late? I guess it never is, but it gets harder and harder the older I get. But seriously - is this who I saw myself becoming? Not that I'm not happy with my life in any way! But I do think I need to make work stop sending me to Oslo ;)

On tuesday I'm going to a conference and I'm supposed to hold a 20 minute lecture under the title "How we do it!". I have no idea how we do it.. I have no idea how I do it! It makes me pretty nervous, 'cause I don't really feel I have much to bring to the table. I've started working on it though, and I guess I've got about ten minutes or so. If I talk in at normal speed (wich I tend not to do). I need to fill it up with something. God knows what ;p I can't wait to hear what the others have to bring to the table though!

Once a year, my boss has a one-on-one talk with all her co-workers on how they feel things are going and such. We had that talk last week and I was surprised to discover that she's actually very worried that I'll burn out. She's aware that it's a pretty lonesome job and that it's not easy at all. She does however have a lot of faith in me, and that kinda surprised me as well. I was feeling like I didn't reach the expectations she had of me, but I was obviously wrong - and that's good! It gives me a bit more energy and motivation to keep on going with it.

Tony seems to be very happy with that I got him for his birthday! I gave him a portable harddrive and eight different personal gift-certificates that I made (massage, computer-fix, night out etc). I'm really glad it made him happy :)

I gotta go get ready for work! Wish me luck, 'cause I'm really not up for it at all ;p

MARCH 6 2008.
FROM HOT TO.. NOT
Whatever happened to that group called Five? It was hot in '97 or something.. I used to think those boys were damn hot, now they just look like dorks ;p I can't really find any updates on them on the 'net.

It appears I stop blogging whenever Tony's home. I can't really give you any good explanations as to why, I just never get around to it. So if my updates are a little on and off, I do apologize.

I need to hit the sack, 'cause I'm exhausted (been in Oslo today) and I fear I might be getting sick. It would kinda be a good thing, 'cause that would explain my total lack of energy for the last couple of weeks - BUT I'm still crossing my fingers in beliefe that I'll feel just fine in the mornin' :)

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