FEBRUARY 26 2008.
BREAKIN' THROUGH
When I woke up this morning with an excruciating headacke, I was pretty convinsed
that my day would just get worse and worse. My head has, but my day just got
better and better! Finally - finally - after weeks of crappy
days at work, I finally had a good one! I had the kind of day where I really
like the job and the hours just flew by. I needed this. Already I'm looking
forward to another day at work, to another day to up my game and do better and
better. The net has been a drag budget-wise and I intend to stop that. Now!
;D
Tonys new job isn't looking as secure as we thought, and therefor I'm even more
in doubt about quitting my bartender-gig or not. Allthough I never get much
money from it, it has helped me out at the end of month after month. It's a
safety. Maybe it would be better to keep at it 'til we know more? Just in case?
Money makes people wierd. Bonuses makes people wierd. I have a theory: if you
don't speculate on what the bonus will be, you won't be disappointet either.
Or am I horribly wrong? Money makes me wierd as well when I get my hopes up
or someone doesn't give me what I thought I'd get. It's understandable.
I'm listening to Norah Jones right now. She has such beautiful music and such
a beautiful voice!
FEBRUARY 25 2008.
THE CHRISTMAS-SHUFFLE
My winamp's on shuffle and all it seems to want to play is christmas-songs!
There's something about Elvis Presley and White christmas that doesn't make
sence in the end of february :)
My boyfriend is the best boyfriend in the whole wide world! While I was making
dinner last night, Tony made room for me on a shelf in the closet and put all
my sweathers in there :) Now that might not seem as such a big deal to you,
but it is a big deal to me! Better then flowers! If there's
one thing missing in this house, it's storage-space. That has left me to still
have most my clothes in suitcases and it's been buggin' me like crazy. Not that
it's the end of the world, it just gives me the feeling that there's not really
any room for me here. But my boyfriend - the best boyfriend in the world - does
what he can to make me feel better. How can I not love that boy with all my
heart? <3
Tonys birthday's coming up in just a few days and I still don't know what to
get to him. There's a few things I know he wants, and I know that he'll buy
himself if he doesn't get it as a present. There's also one thing I know he
wants, but I don't think he'd buy for himself. So I'm kinda leaving towards
the last one, but I'm still not sure. He might have better use for the first
ones. I am however gonna make him something that doesn't cost a penny, but I
really think it will make him happy :)
It really hasn't been a good day for me today. First of all my heads just been
getting worse and worse, and now I've given in and taken some pills for it.
If it's like this tomorrow, there's not a chance in hell I'll get through the
day :( Also, a fucker at work that complains about anything and everything came
into my office and yelled at me today for something I have nothing to do with.
Makes me frustrated as hell! I'm gonna have a meeting with my boss on friday
though, and I think I might adress this.. this job is hard enough without my
co-workers working against me.
Ooh, something other then a christmas-song! DJ Bobo with "Keep on dancing".
A really good oldie ;p
FEBRUARY 24 2008.
THE CREEPY HOUSE
Tony just left for work and I feel a bit lonely. And a bit scared ;p The house
always feels a bit creepy and wierd the first night he's gone - and it doesn't
help that the wind is picking up and making lots of strange noises! I keep looking
out the windows, just in case those guys who tried to break in would get the
bright idea to return. It might be time to let that go now, right? Not that
it's a big problem, it just freaks me out on nights like this.
Allthough Tony wasn't supposed to start working rotation 'til after easter,
he starts already tonight. So he'll be gone 'til thursday now and then be home
for 10 days. Goes back for 11 days and home for 4 days - and so on and so forth.
From a girlfriends point of view, it's not the worst rotation in the world.
And, allthough I hate to admit it, I really don't think it's bad for our relationship
to be apart from eachother a bit. I think we both feel that we've been bad at
taking care of our "seperate lifes", and this will hopefully help
us ease into that a bit more.
I'm not trying to stop taking painkillers for my headackes. I keep searching
the net for some good explanation to what's wrong with me, and I stumbled across
some artickles about headackes 'caused by painkillers. It's almost like withdrawl
- when your body doesn't get those chemicals, it produces symptoms to get you
to take some. Several doctors recommend to go without for a month, and that's
my goal. My last pills were taken on thursday, so it's three days so far (with
headackes unfortunately). I really don't think this is what's wrong with me,
but the best way to figure something out when you're stuck (in my opinion) is
the process of elimination.
I know I said I would, but I still haven't turned in my notice at the pub. I
just can't make myself do it. It's been a rather good weekend to work as well
and that doesn't make it any easier. I feel done with it all, but at the same
time not - and I think I'm really gone miss it if I quit. At the same time it's
exhausting and I would love to have every weekend off - now more then ever seeing
how Tony's mostly gonna be home then. I don't know. I seriously don't know..
I worked with Svein last night and it turns out we have a common love of Jeff
Dunham ;D Safe to say there was a lot of quotes said through the night.
It's not as funny when you don't have "sound", but here's a few of
my favorites anyway :)
Peanut: Once you go purple, you never go back!
Jeff: Have you ever been to an AA-meeting?
Bubba J: AA is for quitters!
Jeff: I really don't think my wife has slept with you Peanut.
Peanut: Well, think about it for a minute. In a twisted kind
of way, all five off us on stage has slept with your wife. When you're working
and having a great time, that's meee! When you're pissed of and lying there
thinking "Why did I marry this broad", that's Walter. And when you're
so angry you wanna kill her, that's Achmed!
Jeff: And what's José Jalapenõ on a stick?
Peanut: You're a sick man!
Achmed the dead terrorist: SILENCE! I kill you!
Jeff: So tell me about the first time you met your wife.
Bubba J: There she waaas..
Jeff: It's not funny.
Peanut: They are laughing like hell!
Bubba J: Everybody loves NASCAR.
Jeff: Well, Sweet Daddy D says it's just a bunch of guys driving
in a circle.
Bubba J: Oh, I know, that's my favorite part - they're making
a left turn!
And I'll leave you off with a damn good one by Walter about his advice for a
girl with a gag-problem :D Good night!
FEBRUARY 21 2008.
UNDER THE INFLUENCE
The girls at work are becoming a rather bad influence on me *laugh* Most of
them are total girly-girls and complete shop-o-holics, and I have to admit that
they're starting to get to me! ;) My usual baggy-pants-tom-boy-I-don't-give-a-f***-about-the-world
kind of look doesn't really work in this kind of job, so I'm trying to do something
about it - and I'm actually starting to care! :) I don't think I'll ever end
up beeing a complete girly-girl, but it's getting there. It freaks me out at
times, but changing how I look doesn't mean I'm changing who I am - so if it's
for the better, there's no harm. Tony seems to enjoy it anyway. "It's nice
to see that you can be a girl too" and "You look so much quter after
you changed jobs" is two comments he's made :) It's a bit exhausting though.
And expensive. And I seriously could use a teacher, 'cause I suck at it ;p
Today I've written down everything I've eaten - and boy is there some changes
headed my way! It's frikkin' scary ;p But, as always, I'm postponing it 'til
monday. Just one more weekend of gorging, right? ;p
I'm struggeling a bit to be consistent with my work outs though. My plan was
to go to the gym on monday, wednesday and friday, but it's a bit hard to keep
up with it. I'm busy monday, tuesday and thursday next week. On wednesday, if
all goes according to plan, I'm gonna spend the night in Tony's hotel 'cause
I'll be in Oslo the next day. In two weeks I'll be gone for a couple of days,
so that gets in the way.. it's a bit hard to keep at it when I can't get a rythm
into it.
Speaking of working out: I have a hard time not laughing at myself in classes
;p At one point I've obviously lost a lot of my coordination-skills and the
"pow" in my moves, so I look frikkin' ridicolous ;D I also jused to
be a lot more "bendy" then I am now. But that's just some more hurdles
to cross on my way to perfection ;)
Time to hit the sack. Last night alone before Tony gets back for the weekend.
Yay! I can't wait ;) It's the best feeling in the world crawling into his arms
at night. Mmm.. :)
FEBRUARY 19 2008.
THE WORLDS MOST WHINY BLOG
I've lost count of how many weeks my head's been bad. Not that I'm counting,
but I can't remember the last time I didn't have a headacke. The amount of pills
I'm going through in a week is frikkin' scary, and it worries me. I try not
to take any, but when it gets really bad, I can either go to bed or take some
pills and keep going. I hate the effect it has on me and my life, but right
now I'm out of energy to keep trying to figure out why I'm like this. Tony keeps
pushing me though, and that's good. He's the one who gets the worst effect of
it (did someone say moodswings?). I hate it, I hate it, I hate it..
This blog is becoming more and more whiny by each post ;p
Allthough it's not going a lot better at work, it does feel a bit easier this
week. Probably 'cause I made a concious decision to change my attitude. I know
I can kick ass in this job, and I'm not giving up until I do just that! I've
never been bad in what I do before, and there's no reason to start now. I can
do whatever the hell I want to, and this is something I want! Not because it's
any goal of mine to make a career in this, but to prove to myself that there's
nothing I can't do. Plus, it's fun to try different things and have a bigger
ground to stand on later in life.
Speaking of work: I'm gonna quit the pub. I love beeing a bartender, but the
place I work at has just gone from bad to worse. There's less and less customers,
wich means less and less fun. I need the money, but it's not worth it. Now that
Tony's not gonna be home all that much either, I wanna make time for him in
the weekends, not waste my time beeing bored in a bar in the middle of the night.
Tony's got a new gig now. For the first couple of weeks, he'll only be home
in the weekends. After the easter-holiday - who knows.. bottom line: he's gonna
be a lot less home then I'm used to now. I've been a complete bitch about it,
and I feel really bad for it. I just can't stand the thought of beeing home
alone that much, and it freaks me out that he'll be away if something were to
happen to him. Or me. Or someone around me. Or him. I am however gonna start
beeing more supportive about it - he deserves nothing less. And if I look at
the bright side, he'll probably not be gone for more then a week and a half
at a time, and he's only 1,5 hours away. I can live with that. Anything for
love ;)
FEBRUARY 11 2008.
WHERE'S MY MOJO?
Right now I don't know what to do with my job. I've lost my desire and energy
to keep going, 'cause I don't believe I can anymore. I've lost my mojo! We're
having a national competition this month, and I was so psyked about it before
it started. Maybe I'm with the wrong crowed, or maybe I don't have any ability
to motivate others - the bottom line's that I'm on my own. It discourages me
to get the daily e-mails with reports on how well everyone else is doing and
how much they're selling. It discourages me to see the group-photos where they
seem like such good teams, and all I have is photos of me and my boss. It discourages
me to get no from customers who later turn up on my competitions websites. It
discourages me when I can't for the life of me catch a break with anyone! Is
it the market I'm working in, or is it me? I need to find my mojo again, or
my job's gonna end up suffocating me..
Now if that's not a happy rant, I don't know what is!